Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
