It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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