i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
