I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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