u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
