We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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