My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
