Will you blow on my dice?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That accounts for only three of the penises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
