i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
