You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
