I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
