Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
