How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
