strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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