Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
