I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
