If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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