By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
