Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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