it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
