i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
