In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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