just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
