she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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