Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
