I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
