im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
