So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
