Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
