Where is the hickey?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
