I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
