I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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