During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
