He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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