I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
