bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
