Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
