i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
