My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's get the cat blown out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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