Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
