My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Houston, we have a squirter
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
