he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
