I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
