All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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