I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
