We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were trust falling into bushes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
