So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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