that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
