I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
