So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Couch. On fire.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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