I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
