Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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