I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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