I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
