She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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