dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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