I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
