Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
