I molested 6 butterflies tonight
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
