I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
