we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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