Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
