Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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