It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize