The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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