ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
