I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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