I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
