I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
