If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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